I used to think that the number of children a person has is a good indicator of how good of a parent he or she is. Both my Mother and my Mother-in-Law had large families and they are two amazing Mothers. I don't know where that belief came from for me. Maybe it was because of the large family I grew up in or maybe it was because I knew my lack of patience and felt unworthy as a Mother -- especially to have a large family.
I'm not sure if I feel that same way. I've seen some amazing mothers who have small families. I guess for some reason my rating of Motherhood only applies to me. I've struggled so much with this because a part of me wants to have a big family to be a good mother, another part of me wants to have a big family because I think they are so wonderful and I would love to have five or six, but the last part of me has that feeling that just maybe I already have all I can handle. I want to make sure that I am the kind of mom that gives each child enough individual attention. I want to make sure that I'm not too overwhelmed and that I can be enough for them.
I don't know if any of this makes sense and it kind of rambles but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I know that we don't have to make a decision right now about whether or not to have more children but I've just felt so unsettled lately -- like a big change is coming or like we have some big decisions ahead of us. I'm not sure what is ahead but the decision we'll face later about our family is something that I'll most likely be considering until then.
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8 comments:
Don't make any decisions yet!!!! It took me a YEAR to finally feel comfortable in my 'new' life as a mom to 3. 19 months later, and I'm not sure if we're ready for #4 yet! You'll get there. You will. Just take it easy on yourself and enjoy your fun kids!
I think about that a lot too. (family size, change, my abilities...) I think I've learned that you can't let the Future stress you out and you have to take each day one at a time. Then it is easier to evaluate what is right for your family. But you ARE a great Mom and I'm sure when the change comes you will beable to take it in sttride.
You know, I had this unrelenting impression that Darryl and I had one more child to have after we had Elizabeth (even though things were sooo hard after we had her). Darryl was not having it, but I just couldn't let it go. He wanted to stop and I almost felt like I had a spirit begging me to have them soon. Eventually, the Holy Ghost spoke to both of us and we ended up unintentionally pregnant shortly afterward with our son. As soon as I knew I was expecting, I knew it was time to stop. Darryl and I knew our limits would be reached with our fourth and so we chose to stop. I want you to know that even though I felt strongly about having my last one, I was TERRIFIED of getting pregnant again and adding one more child to my life. I admire you as a mother and I know that if you do choose to have any more children, you will be amazing with all of them. Just have faith in yourself and trust in God because he has a wonderful plan for your family. There are wonderful mommies with one child and wonderful mommies with eight or more. Just give yourself time to adjust to the family you have now and remember you are amazing and able to do so much more than you realize. (I never imagined I was capable of having all the kids I do and in such a short amount of time, but here I am lol!)
I appreciate your comments and thoughts. I've been thinking about some of the same things. Love you!
Just letting you know that you are not alone. It's our jobs as mothers to worry!! It is hard to realize that you just may not have as many as you thought you would since the time you played with barbies as a little girl. Keep praying and fasting, and you will be lead to what is right for you. Remember what is right for some isn't necessarily right for you, that has taken me a while. ;)
It totally makes sense. I have been thinking about that a lot too. I want to be able to give my kids what my parents couldn't give me with how many kids they had-attention. It really is important to decide if you're the kind of person that can handle a big or small family. I personally came to the conclusion that I would have a semi-small family so I can give each child what they need because I am an impatient person with a horrible memory. I want to be able to remember almost everything each of my kids did and I know I can't do that if I have more than I can handle.
But from what I know, you are a GREAT mom and I can see you having at least 5 kids and giving them what they need!
I know what you are talking about! It took me a year to know that 4 was my number. I always wanted 6. However, physically I couldn't do that. Not fair! Why can't my body pump out babies like other women I know? I've learned that when we compare ourselves to others life will never be fair. However, when I compare myself to myself and have gratitude to my Father in Heaven for what I have, life is fair for me. I can then have joy in my life, and have joy for others.
Celese - I'm sure you don't need anymore comments, so take mine with a grain of salt. When I had my third, I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. I had 3 in diapers, and because of Mary's disability, I had 2 that couldn't walk, plus I lived too far away for family to offer assistance! After some extremely trying months, I finally got help-medical and psychological! (I would be happy to talk to you about this privately)
There is a gap of 4 years between #3 and #4 for a good reason. It's just hard after three - one reason being is that you and Jim are now out-numbered!
I guess my advice would be to take assistance where its offered and then relax and enjoy life. Let the housework go a little. Shorten your to-do lists. Get outdoors once a day. Do a fun activity at least twice a week - just FUN. It's very therapeutic!
And e-mail me! We need to visit!
Aunt Patty
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